I have so much to do all the time, and yet I find myself more and more bored. How is it that boredom and business don't counter each other? I'm bored internally. nothing is exciting or new. I know everything that's expected of me, and I feel no passion for any of these expectations. Usually a boy adds something new and exciting, but now I even have a boy that I'm liking and it's going well, and yet, it feels formulaic.
I woke up today not really caring if I was on time to work. I dawdled on diffrent necklaces, eventually threw on something I don't like anyways, after wasting 20 minutes trying to care, and walked out the door. Maybe if I'm late they'll be angry; maybe I'd like that. Maybe I'd feel fear. Maybe I didn't even believe in these feelings this morning, and so I showed up late. No one noticed.
I've finished the things I'm supposed to finish, and started thet higns I'm supposed to start at work. I have deadlines and meetings, but it is all the same gray hue. Not even gray. It's a hue of vapor, of air.
I'm not sad; it's not a sorrowful feeling. I'm making jokes and making laughter, but out of my mouth, not out of my mind or heart. Both of those feel like they didn't wake up today.
I get on gmail - maybe the gods bless me with some curveball. Something to respond to or think for. My new emails....: Kayak Discount, One Club promotion, LinkedIn Request, Fandango FanMail...
This internal boredom is sweeping the people of our time. As challenge ebbs, and an addiction to tolerance wipes out the need or desire for polarized and/or personal beliefs, passions, and dictates, what excites us. Why do we all get on facebook and gmail every time we get on the internet (which is like five times a day)? What are we looking for? Something to enrage us, shock us, or enlighten us. Something to fight for. Something to live for. Something to love for.
Those last two sentences were contrived. They're tugging for poetic feeling, where we already know I feel nothing.
Knowledge is becoming cheap, insight vagrant, and the fear of risk (or risk of fear, either way) has eliminated adventure from each of our personal stories.
Connected, but separate thought: How an addiction to tolerance is homogenizing our personal stories.
NEW BLOG!
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So I came out of the (easter) closet to start a new blog.
It is a dating blog sprinkled with nuggets of inspiration! Come visit,
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12 years ago
2 comments:
Good job, you got me thinking about tolerance. And, after considering it, I have decided that I must disagree with your assessment. But I won't tell you why unless you talk to me. Isn't that a dirty trick?
I actually disagree with myself too. hahaha, I was going to write a blog post bout how I was wrong. Then let's talk about it. :) I want to write it first to see if we differ or are the same in our assessment. ha, i like the irony, in your comment - which is closely followed by trickery! So rascally vilja!!
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