take me off the blogroll

Well,

things were rough yesterday with Bronson. We keep having conversations that I care about ecause he's posing questions, which auto sucks me in. But I felt really frusrated with our conversation, and soon I wasn't even making much sense. I feel like Bronson already has a debate and a theory on everything, so as soon as I pose a step forward in the discussion, he wraps it all round how his mind thinks it should go. I respond by a. feeling defensive, and therefore working to say more and sound more aware than I am, b. feeling unheard because this whole conversation has already been had and I am feeling like I'm supposed to be a pupil instead of a discusser...

Of course, none of this is fair to Bronson. He tries hard to listen to me, but we just don't seem to speak the same language. He takes it to the theoretical, philosohpical, and therefore "apply it to any situation to see if it still holds water", where I just want to focus on the immediate affects, my feelings toward it and then feel it out into different scenarios.. It just gets messy, and I et frustrated, and I think Bronson is starting to feel like he can't talk about these 'important' matters with me because either he thinks I can't mentally keep up (is it true? i am starting to wonder if it is) or I don't like hard questions (maybe it's just cause the hard questions are already boiling hot when I'm expected to jump into them)...

Don't know.
regardless, I feel our relationship is already over. I mean, we're still dating. But I felt something go. I'm supposed to celebrate his birthday (was last Friday but we had other stuff, so we decided to celebrate today) but I don't know if he even wants to hang out (I asked him to come at 5:30 and he said he had stuff going on and maybe later... I think he really just isn't looking forward to coming) so now it's 6:30.

So at work today I'm watching TED talks while working
I'm really engaged in these different talks about design experiences.
I realize, I think I'm trying to force myself to be knowledgeable in all sectors.

I should not forget who I am because I am dating someone else. I think I've let myself step away from the research and information that will make me feel accomplished and succesful (design stuff) into trying to keep up wtih Bronson in all the things he knows. I end up just absorbing little of anything.

So I'm going to try to refocus on myself. Maybe he and I will be successful. Maybe not. But I need to remember my own work and my own exciting things and let the conversation between he and I fall where it will. I'd would like to feel competent in my arena again.

quote that i got from one of the talks.. and I love it "
"advertising is the price companies pay for being unoriginal""

xoxo Lori
(why do you guys still read this..take me off the blogroll)